Dear Children:

Dear Children:
I spent 9 months growing your organs inside of me. You all kicked my bladder and made me piss myself a few times. The morning, afternoon and night sickness were the highlight of every single day. My ass got huge and my tits swelled up and hurt like hell. I got stretch marks in places I didn't know you could get them.
I still remember the day each of you were born. I didn't have drugs because your father was a dick and didn't marry me, so the government wouldn't supply me. You each kept me in pain for several hours, only to take your slow ass time when your shoulders were about to pass.
Once you were born, my body still felt the aftershock. Ever try peeing when you have stitches in your crotch? Burns like hell. Taking a crap wasn't easy either. I had to force feed myself laxatives and stool  softeners just so I wouldn't rip open what the doctor tried to sew back. My boobs then tripled in size which you would think I would enjoy but I didn't. They become rock hard and hurt so bad I just wanted to cut them off. After the pain went away, my tits then shriveled up and fell off.

Next time I ask you to clean your room, or take out the garbage do not roll your eyes at me...the eyes I grew inside of me for 9 long months, or I will smack them out of your head.